1. Recognise your feelings and values
Relationships are all about feeling, at least in the beginning.
Then, something happens…
You still have feelings, only instead of joy and excitement, they turn into patience, tolerance and compromise. It’s easy to forget what’s important for you and spend your days doing things out of obligation.
I advise couples to take some time to reflect on their circumstances. First, I help each partner reconnect to themselves as an individual. Then we work out what they want from their relationship.
2. Share your feelings and values with your partner
Talking about your feelings can be awkward and even scary. Feelings are a very intimate experience and sharing them means you become vulnerable. It’s an ultimate test of trust towards your partner.
Another difficulty is that your partner may not understand or misinterpret your intention. Maybe they are in a bad mood or it can be a wrong time for them. They also may assume that you are sharing your feelings because you want something.
Sharing your feelings is a very intimate experience. If you are comfortable to express your feelings it can mean that your relationship is going great; you trust your partner and they trust you. However, you may find it difficult to open up. Your partner may get defensive and judgemental, leaving you feeling rejected.
In my article on how to make a long-distance relationship work, I cover the exact steps for effective communication. Through coaching, I help couples to disentangle their relationship by talking to each partner separately and then having a session together.
3. Learn to listen to your partner
You and your partner are individuals who want to be heard and understood. After some time of unresolved issues, you may blame each other for all that’s not working in your relationship.
Let’s say you’ve taken the time to recognise your feelings, and you shared them with your partner. Now, you are interested in what they have to say because as long as you are in a relationship, their thoughts and behaviour affect you directly.
Knowing how to ask and how to listen doesn’t come easy for everyone. It’s also complicated by the overwhelming emotions that can form an invisible wall that’s hard to break through. In this article, I show how you can bring appreciation to your relationship.
During my coaching sessions, I take couples through a step-by-step process to find an understanding of their relationship. When both partners can hear each other, the rest is easy.
4. Identify your personal and relationship goals
In a relationship, your individual goals are as important as the relationship goals. This is the foundations for my 3 step approach to coaching.
Often there is one partner who is coming to me for help. Sometimes they feel that they are doing all they can for their other half and the relationship, but aren’t getting the same in return. After talking to their partner it turns out they feel the same way.
It’s common for partners in a toxic relationship to feel like they are doing everything right and blame their partner for everything that’s wrong. This can go on for years and turn your relationship into a struggle. Instead of the fun experience that it’s meant to be it becomes full of never-ending arguments and fights.
All that it takes to resolve this conflict is simple but effective communication. It may surprise you how quickly you can turn your relationship around, provided both of you are willing to make a change.
5. Make a plan that works for both of you
So, you’ve expressed your feelings and values to each other. You talked about your personal goals and what you want from your relationship.
You may have discovered that you can work out any issues in your relationship. But, you may also have realised that you need some time apart. Whatever decisions you made, you know that you have done so consciously and together.
The final step is to make a plan that will help you set clear expectations about how your relationship will work. If you will choose not to continue with your relationship, you can find a healthy way to separate.
The aim of my work with couples is to help every person get what they want and create a healthy relationship or separate on good terms.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is Couples Coaching?
Couples coaching is a goal-oriented approach to help you create a healthy relationship. In our first session, I will hear you out to learn about your situation and your priorities. The second session is with your partner, where they have time to share their view on your relationship. A group session with you and your partner that will help you understand each other and create a meaningful connection.
Why should I choose Relationship Coaching Online?
Online coaching comes with all the convenience at a reduced cost. Relationship advice online is convenient. You can get help when you need it the most: at home, at work or on the go. There is no need for special arrangements, and you don’t have to travel to your appointment. Choose the time that suits you best.
How many sessions do I need?
It takes 2-3 sessions for a couple to understand the underlying causes of their problems. How long it will take to work out these problems will depend on the effort you and your partner will make.
Does Online Coaching work for a Long-Distance Relationship?
Online coaching works very well for a long-distance relationship. The distance puts extra pressure on your relationship. You need help but don’t have an opportunity to see a coach. You are already talking to your partner online, so it’s easy to arrange an online conference with both of you, wherever you are.